LIFE IS CRAZY SOMETIMES, FRIENDS
As we have chronicled our journey with Judah, our expression of her story has taken many different forms. It is no secret that I haven't written a blog post in a while, but I'm fine with that.
Do you know why?
The answer is pretty simple. Sometimes life just gets crazy.
We have kept our Facebook page, Judah's Story, up to date. If you haven't visited this site yet, I would encourage you to! There are lots of pictures and moment by moment statuses that really speak to the heart of how we are doing.
This post will keep our favorite blog readers up to date on the events from Christmas through the Spring (I know, I know, that is a blogger fail).
When we left off, it was the week before Christmas and we were really struggling with facing Judah's diagnosis. For us, we weren't sure how to handle Christmas gifts for Judah, or how to balance the joy and the pain of the season. While we continued to hope that Judah would be healed, there was still so much we didn't know, like whether she would be with us next year.
We went to Florida for my younger sister's wedding and really enjoyed the time we got to spend with Judah there. We got to take her to the beach, cuddle as a family listening to the waves outside of our window, and really invest time into each other and into our family. We got to take cute belly pictures on the beach and we made some memories we will cherish for the rest of our lives.
After we got back from Florida, the new year brought new anxiety. While we began to get excited to meet our girl, it also meant that we would have to face her diagnosis and the reality of it head on. There were many tears that were shed in this time, and many prayers that were spoken.
Throughout the beginning of the year, we continued to struggle financially. There was a constant financial strain on us throughout this pregnancy, and that did not change. We had quite a few unexpected bills and car repairs that we should not have had the means to pay. God provided for us though. It is as simple as that. He knew our needs and he provided. We did not have any bills that went unpaid throughout this season. Somehow, someway, we met our obligations each month, even if there were expenses we shouldn't have been able to pay. The Lord is faithful and we have learned that time and time again throughout this process.
When it came to my job, there was a lot of angst and dissention among my co-workers and people within the company. It was no secret that I was extra help they didn't really need (but they were gracious enough to let me keep working). I was discouraged a lot of the time because there was no permanency. When I was hired, I was promised a job until Judah was born, but then what? I had thought about looking for permanent employment elsewhere, but didn't think anyone would hire me. On a whim, I decided to apply for a Leasing position in a town about 30 mins from where we were living (I work in the apartment industry). To my surprise, I got the job! I was about as shocked as anyone! I know legally, I can't be denied a job beause I am pregnant, but in reality a different story usually plays out. I started this position at the end of January. Jacob and I moved (again) and prepared the home we would (hopefully) be bringing our daughter into.
When I was packing up Judah's room, it was much harder than I had expected. Grief hit me once again and I found myself sobbing at the thought of having to pack her things away again in just a few short months if she were to pass away. I couldn't take the thought of her life being reduced to a box of things with her name on them.
I started my new job and we settled into our new home. I was FINALLY earning a paycheck again and it felt GOOD! I couldn't have asked for better co-workers or a better company to work for. Seriously friends, don't get me started on how great everyone is! After the year from Hell (literally, the enemy was all over us) we finally seemed to be rising from the ashes.
Next on our list was the nursery! I was so excited to put everything together for our Judah bear! We were hoping she would be able to come home with us and that we would be able to use her room night after night (like normal people). This is what we hoped and prayed for. This is what we planned for. Planning a nursery is a rite of passage we were not going to deny ourselves. It was so important for us to live as though Judah was going to be here. We absolutely refused to accept her death sentence until we were forced to. We believed with our whole hearts that God could heal our girl, and we were going to act like it!
Our favorite part of the nursery is her crib. We ordered it online and took an afternoon to put it together. It was a refreshing and hope filled experience. While we didn't mean for it to be particularily sentimental, that day is a day I will cherish my whole life. Whether she lived or died, we prepared a HOME for Judah. A special place that was hers alone. If we were privileged enough to bring her home, we were ready!
As we drew nearer to Judah's due date we experienced a myriad of mixed emotions. We didn't want to lose our girl. We didn't want to experience pain. We didn't want to imagine life without her. But we had to.
We grieved in our own time and in our own ways for the season of expectation ahead. Judah Katherine Rush is our first child. She is our love, and we would have given the world to make sure she could stay here with us.
We knew The Lord was laced throughout our story. He knew our hearts and he knew the outcome of our journey. He knew that things would not go as "planned" and he knew what was coming for us.
We had no clue where our journey would take just a few short and precious weeks later.
