THE FACE OF ANENCEPHALY (PART ONE)
Man. What a day.
Today was THE appointment.
Th ultrasound at which we would find out the gender of the baby, see the effects of the Anencephaly, and what the status of my blood clot was.
I'll start with the GOOD news...
MY BLOOD CLOT IS GONE AND I AM OFF RESTRICTION!
praise. the. Lord. seriously.
Going into this appointment we were excited, nervous, hopeful and uncertain. We didn't know what to expect. With all of the prayers, support, and many cases of divine intervention and appointment, our ultimate hope was that Judah would be healed. There was so much prayer leading up to this appointment and so much anxiety surrounding it. I knew, in my spirit, that the peace of God that has sustained us the last 5 weeks was going to be tested.
Before we go any further, take a look at Judah giving us "kisses" as the tech put it:
The blue arrow is pointing to our little's tiny round nose (you can see the button and the nostrils). The red arrow is pointing to Judah's puckered mouth! (cute huh?)
This is my favorite picture so far! This is the face of our child. our baby. our love.
The appointment was scheduled for 2:30 pm and Jacob took off of work so he could come. Gail, Jacob's mom, also went with us this time. We ate lunch beforehand at McAlister's (one of our fav places to eat) and then headed to the hospital.
Long story short, we waited 2 hours before seeing a doctor or sonographer. This was so frustrating. We had waited weeks for this appointment and when the day finally came, it seemed we were being taunted.
After what felt like an eternity, we were taken back to an exam room to see the doctor. Again, this was frustrating because we hadn't yet seen the sonographer. We talked to the doctor for less than ten minutes and went right back to the waiting room, as there wasn't much to say. Ooof.
When we were waiting, I told Jacob that I thought the enemy was trying to distract us from what was supposed to be a happy day. I mean, no matter what, our child is still alive and that is a reason to celebrate!
As time went on though, my spirit grew weary. So did Jacob's. He still had to go to work and was late as a result of the delay. Jacob's mom also had to work and we were all just super frustrated.
We finally got into the ultrasound room and it was smooth sailing from there. The bright spot for me was finding out that my blood clot was gone. That has been a silent stressor for me since we found out because subchorionic hematoma's can cause early labor or even miscarriage. Praise the Lord it is GONE.
We also found out the "official" gender of our little. But, more on that later.
This day has brought on a myriad of emotion and strain. The stress was very present in our physical circumstances, as well as in our overarching journey with Judah; today it was very tiring. Reality is a hard thing to face sometimes, even in the midst of hope.
There have been many GREAT days. Days where we just KNEW God was going to heal our child and no one could have convinced us otherwise.
Today though? Today was HARD.
We have prayed, cried, and prayed some more. We have shared fears and joys with all of you, confidence and doubt. We have shared of God's provision, his overwhelming peace and how He has answered our prayers.
Today the question presented itself: How do we bridge the gap between the unseen and the visible? How do we have courage in the midst of grief? And faith in the midst of doubt? How do we continue to find hope when many would say there is none?
How do we keep believing when our baby very well could die?
Below is the reality we see; the face of Anencephaly:
In these pictures, Judah is looking straight at us. And yeah, there is an eyeball in the middle one (kind of endearing, right?). And yeah, Judah does have a nose even though it may not look like it here (pictured above in the kisses picture). Though these pictures somewhat resemble a skeleton, the thing that is important to note is that above the brow bone, the skull is nonexistent.
Our child still has Anencephaly.
This may sound like I am stating the obvious, but when so many people are praying and hoping for healing, it is always possible that the diagnosis will change.
So far it hasn't and that is really really hard.
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To be continued....
(Shout out to Roger Cooper on this song. He does it best! Love you bud!)
