COURAGE IN THE MIDST OF FEAR (PART TWO)

Today Jacob and I were faced with the stark reality of our child's diagnosis. Though the moments are hard, the peace that God has given us surpasses even our understanding. The strength he has provided allows us to make it through the dark moments and the times when we are faced with haunting reality.

But Jacob and I believe, without a single doubt, that God is bigger. He has given us a baby_______ (insert gender here) and we know that this little life is beyond precious.

If you back track with me about a week and a half, I have recently been thinking about those who have approached us with visions or dreams of Judah while praying. I know God speaks to everyone differently, but as I was thinking and praying myself, I asked God to allow me to see my baby. It was a fairly casual prayer, but I figured that if other people could "see" Judah, I should be able to as well right? (I know, I know its a spiritual gifts thing, but a mom can pray right?)

Well, it wasn't until after we found out the gender today that I knew God had answered my prayer. I have had two different dreams in the past week in which I have seen and held a beautiful and bouncing baby _____! (insert gender) Our little was very much alive and healthy. S/He had BIG blue eyes and the best smile around. After the first dream, I told Jacob about what I had seen, but I was not sure what to make of it since we hadn't been able to confirm whether our little was officially a boy or a girl. Now I know.

I have seen my baby.

twice.

amazing huh?

Today, when I was driving and crying and praying and grieving all over again, God was reassuring my heart; asking me to keep trusting him. Jacob seems to have an easier time of it than I do, especially after facing a day like today. But, in my weakness, God takes care of me.

Am I afraid? Of course I am.

Do I worry? I try not to.

Am I always hopeful? eh, not always.

I know one thing I am, though.

COURAGEOUS.

Is it okay to be fearful, to worry, and doubt? I think so. But the reason I know I am courageous (and Jacob too) is because we cry, yes, but we pray and pray and pray without ceasing despite the fear, all while believeing that God can and will heal our baby.

We know that no matter what happens though, God will sustain us.

Spiritually | Emotionally | Physically | Financially

Everything is yours God. Everything.

This song by Adurey Assad communicates my heart tonight as I rejoice in answered prayer and grieve in continued need.

Bless those of you who have faithfully prayed for Jacob, myself and Judah. We do not know where we would be without you all. You're seriously the best!

Love and Blessings,

Bekah, Jacob and Judah