our story: our revelation

 

Throughout the evening, "D", the woman that was giving the word for the night, spoke right to me. She said when she started, that in order to have strength, you have to have courage. In order to have courage, you have to overcome your fear. She didn't say that fear shouldn't exist, but that we have to OVERCOME it. She gave all of us mugs, as a reminder of our strength. On them Joshua 1:9 is quoted.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That night, through "D's" story of loss, her need for grace and her testimony of power and healing, I knew I could do it. I knew I could carry. I knew Jacob could too. A few moments of intense prayer allowed for proclamations of healing over me and again, I poured my heart out to God; weeping openly in front of a room full of women I didn't know (which for me is a BIG deal). God moved in my heart that night. He took my burden of overwhelming fear and anxiety. He TOOK it. let that sink in. My child had been given a death sentence by the doctors, and I am now willing to prolong the pregnancy. Not only that, but I AM NOT SCARED ANYMORE. (read that again) I AM NOT AFRAID! God took my overwhelming fear, my pain and my anticipation of pain and replaced it with more peace and comfort than I could have imagined. God is so so so good. I knew then that it was GOD who was softly speaking to me the previous Wednesday. I knew it. 

 

When 'M" and I left, she gave me a prayer cloth she had used in her own life, and had anointed it with oil for us. She felt she needed to give it to me. It has become one of the most comforting and precious items I have received.

 

In the car, I told her that we had set a date for temination with the doctor just a few days before. I then told her how God had taken my fear. I realized that Christ's sacrifice was as much for my baby as it was for me. I, even as our little's mother, did not have the right to bring death upon my child after Christ had sacrificed to defeat death in its entirety. Christ died for Judah too. I did not miscarry, which means my child is still very much alive. No matter the outcome, there is purpose in that. I am not the creator of life, and I have no right to pretend that I am. The Lord decides the path of my child's fate/life; not me. 

 

"M" pulled the car over then, and with tears in her eyes she told me that God had spoken to her the very first day she had met Jacob at the gym. She was in the restroom and the Lord said, "The doctors don't write Judah's story. I write Judah's story." and He asked, "Is Judah worth it?" She didn't feel she could share this with Jacob the day she met him, but knew that she could share it with me after our night of prayer together. I knew then, more than ever, that God was holding my child in his hands. God was indeed writing Judah's story and he has made that abundantly clear. No death sentence has been placed upon my child. I am grateful for the Doctors and their medical skills, of course, but God is the author and creator of life. HE DECIDES whether my child is to be whole on Earth with Jacob and I, or with Him in Heaven. 

 

God answered our prayers that night. He gave us a reason to carry. He gave us a reason to choose life. You never know what your thoughts/ decision will be in the moments when you find out something is wrong. You can't know. I don't feel guilty about any path this has taken. Without it, the glory of God would not have been as abundant and clear as it was in those evening hours on Friday night.   

 

I went home and told Jacob what had happened. Though he hadn't been there with me, God gave him peace too. We knew beyond any doubt that Friday night that we were carrying. 

 

Saturday, we woke up so joyfilled. Happy. We spoke with Pastor Brad that afternoon and he affirmed our decision. Saturday was the first good day we had had in over a week. 

 

Sunday, our families and some friends came to church with us. The church prayed over us and I was anointed with oil.. This was such a powerful moment for us because we could feel the love and support of our church family. true family. 

 

Jacob has found identity in the past few days as well. His name literally means, "the great wrestler" and "wrestles with God." I told him that his name has as much meaning as Judah's does (which means Praise). We already know one of Jacob's spiritual gifts is intercession (prayer). I told him that his identity in this is to wrestle with God. Clearly we have God's heart/attention right now given all that he has done for us this week. My husband has taken that to heart. I gave him the prayer cloth "M" gave me and he prays over it constantly, everyday. Just as his biblical namesake did, Jacob is wrestling with God for the healing of our child and I could not be more proud of him. He holds that prayer cloth as his most precious possession and doesn't let it out of his sight. At night, after we read scripture to Judah, he places the prayer cloth on my belly so that even when we are sleeping, there are prayers covering and surrounding our child. 

 

We are praying boldly and living faithfully. We are treating this pregnancy just as we would a "normal" one because we are believing for God's healing.

 

Yes, we will buy a crib.

Yes, we will find out the gender.

Yes, we will have baby showers.

And yes, we will decorate our little's room. 

 

We are choosing to believe God will heal Judah, and we are living like it.

 

Are we deceiving ourselves? Absolutely not.

Are we ignoring the medical statistics? No.

Are we in denial about what could happen? Under no circumstances.

 

To put it simply: WE BELIEVE OUR GOD IS BIGGER.  God has a purpose for Judah and we intend to do everything we can to help facilitate that.

 

We pray boldly, live faithfully & accept humbly whatever the outcome of the pregnancy is. 

 

Click on the link to our blog below, or at the top of the page for up to date details about our journey! You can also connect with us on Facebook by clicking on the icon above! Love you all!

 

-Jacob and Bekah