OUR STORY: OUR HOPE 

 

On Monday, October 20, 2014 our story began to change. Jacob is a personal trainer and was working his regular shift on Monday. A woman, we'll call her "M" signed up as a new member at the gym and then signed up for Jacob's next fitness class. She was wearing a T-Shirt that said "BELIEVE" and had Mark 9:23 written below the word. Jacob texted me the verse so I could look it up and continued with 'M."

 

Mark 9:23-24

"If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”

Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

 

Jacob began to tell "M" about our situation with Judah and the impossible place we found ourselves in. She immediately began to pray for him, right there in the gym, and was such a comfort to Jacob at that time. Little did we know, God had much more in store for her in our lives. 

 

The next day, Tuesday, "M" said that we had been on her heart all day the day before, and she bought Jacob and I books from the Christian book store titled The Power of a Praying Husabnd/Wife. She said that she had been praying for us, and enlisted her church to pray as well. She became friends with Jacob and I on Facebook and reached out to me. Her church was hosting a women's dinner on Friday and the word that night was about strength. She invited me, and I accepted. At this point, I hadn't met her in person yet and usually shy away from hanging out with strangers, but I didn't think there was anything to lose by going.

 

Wednesday was Jacob's Birthday, October 22, 2014. By now we had decided that unless God gave us a solid reason not to, we were going to terminate the pregnancy. We didn't know what else to do, and that was the best plan we could muster at that point. We met with the termination doctor Wednesday afternoon and felt as good as we possibly could about the process. We were even excited that we would be able to try for another baby again soon.

 

Wednesday night, I was lying in bed praying and crying. I was begging God to heal my child. My heart was broken. I was broken. Jacob was in the living room, playing the video games he had gotten for his birthday and I was alone.

 

God has spoken to me before, and I know his voice when I hear it. It isn't audible like he is in the room with me, but I can hear God in my thoughts; in my mind. This is difficult at times. Like when you hear a whisper saying, "I am gonna heal your baby." Yeah. That's definitely what he said. At least 6 times. I was sleepy and crying and praying. I thought I may have just been telling myself what I wanted to hear as a mother. I quipped back, "God, you gotta give me more than that. Sorry. I'm human and I don't know for sure if this is you, or if it's me." I told Jacob about it and he agreed; we just have to wait. It wasn't enough to change our minds. As I fell asleep that night, I softly heard, "don't terminate...don't terminate...don't terminate..."

 

The next day, "M" was back at the gym and told Jacob to look up the song "All of Me" by Matt Hammitt. Here is the song: 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jacob texted the name to me, and when I listened to it I was an absolute mess. This was the moment when God began to soften my heart to HIS calling. I knew that we needed to carry. I knew we were making the wrong decision. So much so, that I made a statement of faith by putting together Judah's stroller and carseat; I was not even able to look at the box in our little's room the week before. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

See? I really did. 

 

Jacob got home from work right as I was finishing and I took him in our room and we listened to the song at least 10 times, crying and holding each other the whole time. He knew we had to carry too. 

 

Friday came and Jacob got off work at 12:30. I decided we needed to go get pumpkins and have a fun day as a family. The morning had brought new worry with it, and we still weren't completely convinced of what we needed to do. Personally though, I wanted to make some fun memories with Judah no matter what we decided. Our little should have some great experiences no matter the length of his/her life. So, we went to Tuttles Orchard, picked apples and found the perfect pumpkins to carve! One for each of us (: 

 

Here are some pictures from that Friday (a week since the diagnosis):

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friday evening came and it was time to go to the women's dinner with "M." Jacob went to the gym and I left to meet her. Even then, we stil weren't sure what we were going to do; what the right decision was. I remember telling Jacob Friday afternoon that we needed to wait until after others had the time to pray over us before we officially decided. We were still waiting on God to move. 

 

I knew I needed to go to this dinner. Not only had God already worked through "M," a friend of mine had called early Friday morning inviting me to the same event, not knowing I had already planned on going. This was confirmation that God was calling me there. 

 

The evening started and I got to meet some really great ladies! My friend showed up and we were able to sit together. The message on strength sounded like it was prepared just for me. God began to move that night in the way that I had hoped he would.